What is Narcissism?

What is narcissism?

I suspect most of us have an internal part (ego-state) that is on the hunt in the external world for self-love, seeking outward for inner acceptance. If we give full reign to this impulse, we tend to form a pathological relationship with whatever we seek, whatever we can catch or can subdue, or whatever we can be celebrated for.

• I am elevated because of my career success, our family status/affiliation.
• The world tells me I am incredible, so skilled and talented.
• I have so much more money and power and prestige than those Others.
• I have only the best of everything, the most desired. And I am worthy of it.

To hold on to a fleeting sense of being lovable because of our triumphs, because of what we snare in life, we will be tempted to hang trophies in our inner living room (sometimes mirrored in our outer rooms with medals, photos and credentials).

But then the tension inevitably begins to mount. Though we display proof of how capable and lovable we are on our walls, inadvertently the glory days become a reminder of what is behind us. Over time, given enough time, every momentary triumph becomes distant and diminished.

In our sane moments, we might understand that this attempt to reach out (in an increasingly driven way), to grasp hold of anything to make us feel whole (to find inner peace, love, worth) is doomed. It is a story that ends in tragedy.

All great achievements fade. As do all of us. And when this driven part of us drives us, much of what we elevate is just not that wondrous. And, when we awaken, then comes the dis-ease, the guilt, the shame from living so far from our Inspired Self.

 

If you are interested in how narcissistic traits find their origin in avoidant attachment, Dr. Alan Schore (@ allanschore.com ) has numerous relevant videos on You Tube.